Recently I went to a casino in Wetumpka Alabama. I won five hundred dollars, then I decided to keep betting. I ended up with absolutely nothing. It reminded of another time, a time when I made a even bigger gamble and ended up with nothing. Once, in 2005-2006, I had a choice to either gamble all of my heart on a chance with one person or give my heart to another person who actually wanted it.
The Gamble
So I took the chance and went all in for the person who didn't feel the same way. For the longest time, I thought it was worth it, that maybe one day it would work out. It didn't work out, which I am grateful. If it would have, nothing would be right and I would have lost one of my best friends. I wouldn't trade that for the world, but we would have been best friends regardless. I just went the wrong direction and I can only blame myself for this. I hate that this isn't a situation that I can do the cliche " I wouldn't change a thing" because I absolutely would.
The Loss
Now for the other person, the one I should have gone after. This is the person I lose the chance to have a relationship with. At one time this person would have given me a chance. A chance to have something I haven't been able to have since that offer. By choosing the opposition, I lost this chance. Now, there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think about this. I realize now that I truly cared for this person. Now she is with another, that she truly loves, because of my idiocy and inability to pay attention.
The Winnings
The satisfaction of knowing that choices do matter. That everyone effects another person's life. My decisions during that point of my life have caused both of these people ultimate happiness. It's my own little version of the Chaos Theory.
